I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
