We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
