I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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