We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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