as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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