Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
