i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
