just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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