Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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