Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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