I will die if light touches me.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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