2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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