I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
