yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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