Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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