you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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