She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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