my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
