Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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