my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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