Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
