I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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