i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
