Nicole vs. Life
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
