I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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