Are we in a gay sports bar?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
