those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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