I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
