mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
