Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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