shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
