You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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