I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
