Don't make out with my wife yet
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
