im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
