There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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