Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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