new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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