just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Betty ford says i'm here all night
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
