Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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