My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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