Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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