If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
