I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
PANTIES FOUND
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