your parents love me but you hate me
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
