after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
