New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
