So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
