i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
