well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
