Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
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She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
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TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS