I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
