Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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