nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i permit you to call me
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Randomize
