Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
