I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The uberlube is also flammable
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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