Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
