If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
