So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Randomize
