My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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