I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
