Old men and throwing up are my life now.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
