is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
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There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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