maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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