There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
