Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
In America we eat man semen.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
