i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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