it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
