I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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