May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
