man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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