I molested 6 butterflies tonight
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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