She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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